Phase 1: Barely a Miracle (SAHM)

Phase 1: Unbearable

Yeah, I think that’s pretty much how I would describe it. To use Hal’s own words: “Your body cries out: I don’t like how this feels.” That is an understatement; I think it’s fair to say that my body was found to be in a paralytic state, refusing to move in silent protest. My mind said "yes," but my eyelids said, "No." That being said, I only really missed one day, but otherwise I was able to participate in most (maybe not all… sshhh) of the morning routine.

My first problem was taking melatonin. Not so much the taking of it, but the waking up from it, because I would wake up really groggy. I was taking one of those gummies and I wasn't sure if it was 5mg each (the dose was 2 gummies and I was only taking one). I also had a tendency to hit snooze if the phone was right next to me, so moving it to the bathroom did help increase my motivation.

Unlike Hal, I never had a moment of life changing clarity on Day 1, but I think that maybe it had something to do with my lack of a clear plan. By that, I mean I didn’t really have any obvious personal aspiration to achieve, so it was hard to come up with something more concrete than “be a more present mother" (which is what I settled on). While coming up with things to support this isn't impossible, I think maybe I need more examples from people in my situation to better flesh out the morning tasks.

My general routine varied, and I did not follow the acronym as ordered. I am still trying to figure out the best order to do it, because nothing has fully clicked yet. I tried exercising first, because it did help wake me up, but then I noticed that the other tasks would fall away if one of my kids woke up earlier and interrupted me. Doing the meditation first was hard because I was still sleepy (from the melatonin) so I wasn’t really as focused on it. It was also difficult for me to get started right away on visualizing and affirming, because I still felt like I wasn’t awake enough to truly focus.  

As far as specifics go, I was waking up around 5:15am because my kids are generally awake by 6am. If they pay attention to the Hatch light, then I get until 6:30. 

Regarding the individual tasks: 

Silence: I have long been an on-and-off meditator since taking a class on “Taming the Anxious Mind” in college, which was an offset of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s stress mindfulness class. Thus, my background with meditation was sitting in silence and following my breath. However, this time around I found it extremely difficult and honestly not helpful (I know, according to Kabat-Zinn, you’re not supposed to expect anything of your meditation, but this book kinda sets that precedent). I instead tried Loving Kindness Meditation from Peloton. I actually think this aligned better with what I wanted to achieve (a sense of peace), and I also combined it with visualization.

Affirmation: A tough one. I created one using his template but I found it was forgettable. I need to figure out a better way to incorporate this. I have never really been a person who was into affirmations despite my desperate attempts to do so (see: me buying a card set of sarcastic affirmations and looking at them maybe twice).

Visualization: Also tough. I tried to visualize myself reacting calmly to tantrums, but I just had trouble really making it seem real, if that makes sense. Using the Loving Kindness meditation technique helped me with a general sense of bringing calm.

Exercise: At the time I was in the middle of an intense Peloton competition with a friend, so I was honestly overdoing this one… I was using the spin bike for probably an hour a day, which was not my normal baseline. This probably did not help my fatigue.

Reading: I chose to read The Playful Parent by Lawrence Cohen. I felt like this book was aligned with my goals, and it helped to encourage me to really play with my kids, building connection with them. I’m not usually someone who plays.

Scribing: I barely did this as well. I think the method of journaling that he recommended would probably be more useful, but I am also used to just stream of consciousness-ing it. I think having more purpose – like, what I did right or wrong the previous day, and how I might focus on improving the wrong, would be useful.

Ultimate thoughts are this: This is hard and maybe not all that rewarding, but I do notice that I start off the morning with more intention. And, to be fair, I don't think I am doing it in the best way possible. The trouble for me is continuing the intention throughout the day (by 3pm I’m spent). I also need to spend a little more time fleshing out what it is I truly want to achieve and making it more actionable. 

Here’s to the next few weeks!